in this season of quiet, I am grateful to be a guest on the mudroomblog.com today, sharing a post that uncovers the magic of my season on the Sound this year………….
perseverance
A Journey into the new year…..hope, perseverance, new beginnings uncovered on the streets of New York City
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I am standing on the corner of 42nd Street and Broadway on New Year’s Eve. It is almost 12 noon. In twelve hours the ball will drop one block from here, the iconic symbol of a new year, a new start, a tradition I remember first watching on a black and white 20 inch television screen over fifty years ago.
There are two schools of thought if one should be standing here this day.
One bent comes from one who protects these streets, and has been diligently for the past 72 hours that I have been in this city.
“If you want to be herded in here like cattle, not able to eat, drink or pee for this next 12 hours, then do it. My advice: watch it on TV.”
The other bent stems from those who crowd these streets. Those pulled magnetically to this city of promise and hope for years for the same reason: to leave all behind and to start over in hope, a fresh start. Lady Liberty a few miles down the street has drawn millions to her torch with the same pull, drawing in those who speak Italian and Spanish and Indian and Chinese and Haitian. Those who sell handbags under awnings and 2016 glasses on street corners. Those who get caricatures drawn and wave American flags and take selfies on the corner with the Empire State Building, lit up in its Christmas colors, behind them.
This city, this ball drop has ushered in new hope for decades.
Even though helicopters hover above, barricades block streets, bodies lined ten deep line up to go through security screenings, no bags in hand, this ball will drop. The year’s past shadows will not hinder this light’s descent.
6000 police officers line the blocks, grouped on every corner.
Some revelers are dishing out $50 a ticket from the Comedy Club Central hawking promises of a view, others have dished $5000 for champagne in a penthouse suite to witness this spectacle. Most will wait for the confetti party shoulder to shoulder in the streets right there in the middle of the square.
Naysayers say, “Why would you stand in line for 12 hours to watch a ball drop for 60 seconds. It’s just a ball”.
The one million that gather here say differently. Not just a ball.
A promise of hope.
A promise of a fresh start.
A spirit of courage, despite the terrors of the past year push the masses on from all across the country and the world towards the crystal beacon of a new beginning.
Twelve hours later, we sidestep from our restaurant like Aladdin through city blocks, bodies, and barricades, towards the ball, the epicenter of the new year, where thousands have lined up along the streets that radiate to the center, even blocks away. Our room key to the hotel on the corner is the lucky ticket past the barriers.
On the corner of 41st and 7th, barricades keep the crowds from the intersection where crowds have lined up for hours for the view behind the ball. Sometimes the route to what you want is through the back. Even from backside the crowds stand and push toward the center, for just a glimpse of the crystal ball from any angle.
“Please, please, officer,” begs an Indian man, his family behind him, “please just a few feet more, we just want to see, we just want to see.”
The officer relents a few inches, but as the crowds push in, he stops. “That’s enough,” he says, “I’m trying to be nice, but you keep pushing in!”
In the swarm families and couples huddle together, fathers hold up their children. I hear Italian. I hear Japanese. I hear French. I hand my noisemaker to a little Indian boy wearing a spiderman hat, another NYC symbol. I hear a wife whisper to her husband “It’s ok we’re in the back. This is as close as we are going to get. This is a once in a lifetime thing.”
“Please, please”, the man begs again, “let us get closer.”
“Look up!” I say to him. “It’s right there.”
The 2,688 sparkling waterford crystals of the ball shine towering two blocks above us, and to a throng of shouts its multicolor facets begin its descent.
The crystal ball drops, and fireworks usher in the new year. The Behind the Scenes crowd doesn’t see the flashing signs, but from the fireworks and cheers we know the new year has begun. The policemen who themselves were enthralled by the spectacle now remove the barriers and let the crowds into the streets. 2016 is here.
Hours later we ascend to the highest point in NYC, the One World Observatory, where, 104 floors up we catch a different perspective of Times Square and all the iconic points of New York City.
Familiar outlines lay before me from this height, yet my eyes are drawn to one place below the foot of the tower. It is the square of the green around of St. Paul’s Chapel. the church where not one window was broken the day the Twin Towers fell, protected by an old sycamore tree in the cemetery. The chapel that served as a sanctuary for recovery workers after 9/11. The chapel that serves as a memorial of photos and police and fire insignias. The chapel that survived the Great Fire of 1776.
Surrounding this small chapel are the signs of fresh starts and new beginning. The skeleton of the World Trade Center Transportation Hub, the Oculus, rises at the corner.
The squares of the two Memorial Fountains that commemorate the towers of the World Trade Center lay distinctly below.
I descend to the south tower fountain. A white rose marks a name. A white rose, a symbol of remembrance and new beginnings. Somber reminders of loss and pain and destruction are beneath every footstep on these grounds. Standing here on this New Year’s Day of 2016 testifies what can be made new from the ashes of suffering.
“Suffering shakes us to the core…leaves you vulnerable and exposed….gives you a sense of your own limitations…In this new year we look back on what has shaped us, we look forward to what is ahead, we look up for strength and guidance, and we look down to examine our own hearts….”
In the quiet pew of Redeemer Church two days later these words are spoken into the tranquil sanctuary.
Outside these walls, down the streets this city continues its pace into the new year.
The sky is blue and crisp and fresh this Sunday morning. Sunlight casts golden on brownstones and barren trees.
Across the street Central Park is bathed in this light. Only a few days ago, my son asked his lovely girlfriend to be his wife on the terrace of Bethesda Fountain.
The other day in Chelsea Market she found a photograph of the fountain taken on a winter day in the 1930’s. “Did you know the story behind this fountain?” she asks me with her beautiful smile. “The Bethesda Fountain is named for the pool in the Bible where people came to be healed.”
Healing. Restoration. New beginnings.
As my flight ascends into the night sky that evening the places trodden these few days outline below me……Times Square, Central Park, and at the tip of the peninsula, the One World Tower. Barely perceptible in the shadow of the bay is a faint figure. The Statue of Liberty.
Her torch of hope a speck of light shining in the darkness.
Photo credits: Daniel Mogg, Vina Mogg
Things made new
Days to celebrate life.
Life that gives hope and promise and new beginnings.
Life born out of pain and received in joy and love
Three birth days celebrated in past weeks– my daughter’s sixteenth, my joy, my heart,
born sixteen years ago out of intense labor pain
the same pain my mother bore for me.
My mother’s 90th birthday celebrated days later
and a few days after that,
the most joyous of days to celebrate new birth born out of pain… Easter.
On Easter morning we sing this song ,a song that embraces the beauty born out of pain:
All this pain
I wonder if I’ll ever find my way
I wonder if my life could really change at all
All this earth
Could all that is lost ever be found
Could a garden come up from this ground at all
You make beautiful things You make beautiful things out of the dust
You make beautiful things You make beautiful things out of us
–-Beautiful Things by Gungor
Life
In its hard barren things that we come across
buried under daily happenings
grief, sorrow, isolation, loneliness,
somehow out of these broken things
in this dust a garden arises
strength
hope
gratefulness
perspective
joy
Out of chaos life is being found in you….
After a week of creative chaos
celebratory chaos–
Two milestone birthdays and Easter–
all reasons to celebrate life…
life at the beach celebrating sixteen year old wonders… life around balloons and birthday cake celebrating the wonder of turning 90…
life around the table celebrating the wonder of eternal life on resurrection Sunday
… the chain of worry, of planning, controlling, perfecting is broken by the cross on Easter.
The joy of life replaces darkness.
The light of love shatters all, breaks the hold that daily worries and fears have over me. Symbols of new life were placed around the house–
flowers
balloons
bread broken on Holy Thursday
thorns
a cross from Jerusalem
a painting of an olive tree in Gethsemane Do these symbols that take a place in my home take place in my heart?
When I share the broken bread with each of my children, I remember the broken places in my heart–
the places that watch my mom diminish from Alzheimer’s
the places of her failing life chipping away at mine
the places that slowly ebb away at my life that could render me drowning in sorrow
until I choose to remember that out of pain comes something new.
Could all that is lost ever be found
Could a garden come up from this ground at all Mom’s memories are becoming lost. At times she struggles to remember our names. She could not comprehend it was her birthday. She did not know she was 90. Yet the things that are lost are replaced with a joy in the moment. In beauty in each moment. In complete and wondrous joy in the bouquet of flowers I brought to her on her birthday. In the the joy of hearing the sentiments of loved ones I read to her from Facebook wishing her a happy birthday. In singing “Happy Birthday to Me” as she blew candles from a cake as her caregivers and family friends gathered around her.
Mom loves gardens. She loves flowers. In her brief walks around the neighborhood she loves to study the different flowers and comment how beautiful they are. Though much is lost, much is found in the beauty in each moment that she chooses to see. In the color of the flowers. In the sound of music played on piano keys. In the faces of her grandchildren. And on Easter, when we sing this song of new life, of things being made new, made beautiful out of dust
its words are a balm to my parched soul, weary of this journey.
For all of us are being made new in these lessons of caregiving of walking daily with someone who lives only in the present and only sees the good, the beautiful in each moment.
Life in the middle–
now the mother of a sixteen year old daughter
and the daughter of a ninety year old mother
in the midst of adolescent giggles and ninety year old stubbornness
there is beauty and things are being made new.
Places we are marked are the places that allow us to touch others. Pain carves deep etchings into our soul places marked by loss, hurt, places we did not expect to be.
I did not expect this this place of mothering my mother at the same time mothering my daughter, this place where I savor the quiet moments of sharing secrets once shared with my own mother
secrets about love, about being loved, about being comfortable in your own skin about loving yourself fully so that you can love others fully
secrets my mother may have never communicated verbally but demonstrated daily.
Hope is springing up from this old ground…
You make me new, You are making me new
You make me new, You are making me new I don’t comprehend all the things I am learning from this journey
Each day I am weary from the length and its constant presence. But along this old ground, this path I’ve trod for years
I look for places where hope springs up…
A sweet smile, a tender hug, a “thank you for taking care of me”…
seconds measured
47.4 seconds.
That is my son’s best time in the 100 yard freestyle, the time he just swam at the 4A Florida State High School meet last Saturday.
47.4 seconds.
a time when each breath was intentional
each stroke intentional
each kick intentional
47.4 seconds
not just halfway, but all out. Each stroke and breath all out, pushing to the limit, pushing past weariness and pain, driving body past barriers until he touched the wall to finish.
There was a flurry of movement all around as surrounding athletes pushed limits through resistance, water, to record best times, driving at All- American speeds: 44 seconds, 45 seconds 46 seconds.
Behind those seconds are hours and hours of work. Miles and miles of yardage logged to get the speed, endurance to be able to charge through those few seconds all out.
Hours put in early when the moon and stars still fill the sky.
Hours put in in pouring rain and cold temperatures.
Swimming ….a truly inspirational sport, one of true discipline
as the one standing on the blocks, poised to move forward, every muscle tensed, anticipating the start
is the only one who knows the preparation, the hours and yards and conditions endured to ready himself for that brief race.
I have fought the good fight, I have stayed the course, I have finished the race….2 Timothy 4:7
It is the last push that determines the winner.
The last reach, the last stroke head down
lungs bursting
arms burning
legs burning
in the final reach for the wall.
The final time.
The glance at the clock that records time is only a measure of the discipline and perseverance endured to reach that mark of 47.4 seconds.
In our own moments, we endure those seconds of push in life where we are beyond ourselves
grinding through resistance, the churning waters that surround, laboring past the pain and weariness
that place beyond ourselves that is glorious and exhausting
that place where we can help another
or bring a smile to a face by a simple act of kindness
or see a terminal situation in a new light, though the situation has not changed
those are moments of glory.
Psalm 89:17 says, “For you are the glory of their strength.”
These are the moments, lasting a bit longer or shorter than 47 seconds, that inspire us through the hard places,
These moments of inspiration push us to look beyond the pain to reach for something greater to better ourselves, or even greater, to better someone else.
There is great gain in launching into deep waters. In going beyond limits to do something impossible or unattainable. And whether or not that thing is attained or just beyond grasp there is victory in the trying, in the drive to get to wall to the place beyond your limit. To bring you beyond yourself into the unknown. To places beyond borders.
Spirit lead me where my trust is without borders
Let me walk upon the waters
Wherever you would find me
“Oceans” by Hillsong
We become tired and weary of the places we are called to go, determined by choice or by circumstance…to care for the widow, the orphan, to be the single mom, to juggle the finances, to walk with cancer.
We think we can’t propel past the pain and weariness to move forward, one motion at a time, one stroke at a time, one kick at a time.
Somewhere deep in our soul, we find the guts to move on. Faith gives us the push to move forward.
Triumph comes not in the time or the medal or the accolade because most of the time there is none. Triumph comes in the strength attained that often times unknowingly inspires another to find the same.