A beach chair, a sunrise, and waves lapping on the shore. All the ingredients for a peaceful morning. I was watching an egret dart in and out of the waves to catch its morning meal, when out of the corner of my eye I sensed movement by my feet.
There he was, his little black beady eyes fixed on me. A little sand crab, frozen halfway out of his burrow.
I turned slightly and seemed to catch his eye. He paused for a moment, then darted back into the hole. I turned my gaze back to the lovely sunrise, the slow waves uncurling on the sand. Moments later he appeared again…..
Our lifelong nostalgia, our longing to be reunited with something in the universe from which we now feel cut off,to be on the inside of some door which we have always seen from the outside, is no mere neurotic fancy, but the truest index of our real situation. CS Lewis
Little crab, I see you.
I see you emerging, peeking out at me contemplating, as I often do.
Do I stay here on the edge?
Do I retreat back into my hole?
or stay out in the light?
You fix your steely little eyes upon me assessing the situation.
Retreat calls, and you fall back into your hole.
I wait, watching, counting moments until you materialize again, and throw a clawful of dirt out at me.
I laugh, relating to the frequent moments I have felt the same.
The times I feel alone, when no one understands.
Out of spite I throw out dirt, waiting to receive a response.
And when there is none, or it is not as expected, I retreat as you do back into abyss.
drawing out once more.
You emerge again, and scurry a little farther,
a little longer in this early morning light where everything is fresh
where daylight makes things new
where sunrise shimmers on gentle ocean waves
dissolving nocturne shadow.
On the edge beyond the safety of retreat
there is the expanse the vast ocean surf
coaxing you beyond calling you to tumble into its gentle waves
to bring you to a new place full of life.
Look beyond you little crab into the boundless sea teeming with possibilities
just past the hole you crawl into
your place of safety.
Don’t throw your dirt at me and expect me not to laugh.
I too want to crawl in that hole to bury myself in that place
where darkness stills and encloses
a place of safety
a haven from harm
a place to dig out the unwanted and throw it out
only to scuttle back in
and dig a deeper and deeper hole
until I realize I want out.
I too will sit on the precipice of that hole and decide
do I crawl back in or rise to the surface?
I will scuttle out to shore
where waves curl onto the sand
and after one tentative step
I will let those waves carry me out to sea.
For if you would enter into all that I have for you, you must walk by faith upon the waters. You must forever relinquish your doubts; and your thoughts of self-preservation you must forever cast aside. For I will carry you, and I will sustain you by My power in the ways that I have chosen and prepared for you…. Frances J. Roberts